I have heard a lot of things from people - from things like it's time to get someone special to you're the only one single in the group. To be honest, in a scale of I am not sure if I am ready to I don't really bother, it inclines more towards the latter.
I have been to a couple of relationships, and I cannot really compare one from the other. Each relationship had so much differences - the personality of my other half, the wins and challenges that we had, the bittersweet memories, and I don't know how long I can type if I am to elaborate its uniqueness. One thing's for sure, though, all of them taught me a lot of things and helped me grow exponentially. I have learned that I am a person with so much love for love. I respect it so much and I only want to receive the type of love I think I should have, I protect it so much that I only want to get it when it is time, but I thought of it so highly that I try to give it to as much people as I could. Friends, family, and a lot of strangers who became someone significant... and eventually became a stranger again.
I have tried a lot of avenues - from friends who set me up on a date with their other friends, friends who thought I was interesting and through this I want to apologize to those people if I disappoint them with my weird taste of the world, dating apps (there's always a time for the first time, right?), and a lot more. I tried so much to share the love I respected so much. In trying so hard, I got hurt as hard. Surprisingly, despite all the damage that I received, I never felt like giving up. I still have the same level of respect with love, I still feel this obligation to protect it, and I still think highly of it that I want all the people to experience it. It is wonderful, we just got to learn how to play with it well.
I already chose the best recipient of this love I protect so much. I already made a clear concept of that sole person whose roots should be filled with affection. I already visualized the whole picture and what's going to happen next if this person receives the love that person truly deserves. This person is going to be the sanctuary of something eternal, and will pass it on to another, and another, until it becomes a cycle. And that cycle will start until this person's ready. This time, I chose to love myself.
Travel.
Go out alone.
Treat yourself and yourself only when you win your battles. Cry with yourself and create a plan B when you lose it.
This time, I chose to be with myself.
Clichè.
Yes.
I could not agree more. I actually am unsure if this is simply because I chose to love myself or is it partially because I am kind of afraid to take the plunge again? Regardless of where this is coming from, I still think that being alone is the best incubator for a newer you. Let's try to know ourselves better. Go to places we never knew existed. Do things we never knew we'll enjoy. Let's evolve ourselves continuously until we feel that our void from our fail relationships are completely erased. Let us just take care of ourselves until we can be certain that we won't need to depend on someone to take care of us.
And then take the plunge again.
But what's the purpose of preparing yourself if you'll take the risk again?
What if it fails?
I actually don't know the answers to my questions. I don't even know if this makes any sense. I just think that preparing yourself this way keeps you grounded that whatever happens, you can take the days with or without another person. You'll end up crying, maybe. But you'll know that you can lift your arm and wipe it all off to start something better. You'll end up hurting, certainly. That's inevitable. It only proves that you are a human being and you are capable of riding this roller coaster ride called emotions. You cannot skip the pages of your life, but you'll know that you'll have the strength to flip the pages and not just blow it up.
You are you. Not just a half of another person.
Go for it. Choose the perfect person to receive the best kind of love - self love.
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