Altered Envelope

     The stage is set - a wide platform embellished with different accents of all sorts; a center riser for the performers to use during their routines; and a shiny porcelain white curtain that serves as a background to emphasize the colorful accessory of the night. The lights and sounds are on - dazzling blast lights are hanging from above to illuminate the night while everybody is having so much fun; party music all around the place and a couple of flashes from paparazzi cameras. A big party is bound to bang the whole universe. Dress to impress, pumped up to kill. Smoky eyes and red lips for the girls matched with their three-inch high heels, while the studs are wearing either their shiniest neckties or their coolest bow ties to match their most elegant suits and sleeves, together with a pair of leather shoes to complete the whole sophisticated look.

     I was there in the middle of the crowd, observing silently as others went wild. A couple of glasses of drinks, a short moment of dance, that is enough for me. It is not the night for me to get wasted. There are a lot of things running in my mind unlike everybody else trying to lose their minds for the night to reward their selves for a year long of hard work. I received a text message before I went to the party, and it disturbs me. I cannot seem to find sense in the way this person wants to relay the thought. Very vague and mysterious but at the same time precise and authoritative. There is a meaning behind it but I cannot decipher any part of it. What does it imply? Is he really that secretive or am I just dumb enough to fool myself out of this text message?

     I am talking about Harry, the man who offered me an indecent proposal. He's not the typical lover you will meet somewhere, this guy has class. He is very masculine and looks very edgy despite his alluring teeny-weeny eyes. And above all else, he has the look. Standing five foot and eight inches, he is indeed a bachelor of his generation. The only thing is, he is not a bachelor, but a bachelorette. I don't have any issues with Harry being bisexual, for I am one, too. I find him attractive, yes, but he is not the type of guy I would fall in love with. Besides, I already have a partner that he is aware of. He knows my love story and its roller coaster twists and turns, but he does not seem to mind. He keeps on sending me postcards on my office desk together with a bar of chocolate. He has been my office mate for almost seven months now and he has been like that since the beginning. I repeatedly told him that I already have a partner and I don't have any plans on betraying the guy that I love. But he replies the same thing over and over everytime I say my script, "Think about it, you might change your mind." Then smile and walk away.

     "Hey Warren, I need to meet you in the party later. This might be your last time to see me. So you better look enticing so you can seduce me." This was the exact words I saw on my phone screen around four o'clock earlier this afternoon. I can't seem to understand why he sent me this message. Is he going to resign from the company? Or will he be assigned to a different location? Or most probably he will fly abroad together with his family in Singapore. Regardless of what his reason will be, I will surely miss Harry. It is not because of what most people think, but because we already had our bond as friends. We might be having this awkwardness at times whenever he injects his feelings in the topic out of the blue, but we are doing fine if he won't mention. I need to know the reason and I need to know when will this be effective. So okay I will give it a shot, I'll meet him here.

     "Hey Harry, I'm just around the corner. Give me a beep once you arrive so we can do small talk," I entered the words as fast as I could then pressed Send.

     "Okay then, I'll be there in a few. I'm just a few blocks away. Look for my car and meet me outside. Thanks." A quick reply from Mr. Harry Crook.

     I went outside to wait for his car to arrive. And the wait did not last that long, after a few minutes I saw his car on its way to my direction - a teal Bentley Mulsanne with a green under lights that is really a head-turner. He went out of his wheels with the same palette as his car. A deep blue sleeve with a white suit and a silver tie. He shoved me out of the crowd and brought me inside the party tent so we can talk. Just the usual casual conversation we are having every single business day of our lives. Asking about our days and all, how we are doing and if we have any plans for the next days to come. Then the awkward silence came in again, just like any single instance that he will ask if about his chance on fishing me.

     "You won't really like me, will you?" A question that I immediately answered with a safe response.

     "Who's not to like? You are nice to everyone, Harry. But it depends on what level of likeness would like me to interpret. There are lots of guys that you'll probably meet who will like you the first time they see you. All I can offer is friendship, which I find more effective than a relationship that might have cracks in the near future. Come on, Harry. You need to explore the world like you are doing before you confessed whatever feelings you have for me. Believe me, you'll be happier than ever."

     "Can I get a picture then? I would like to have a picture with you alone. We don't have any photo, to think that we've been working together for quite a while now! You owe me a picture in replacement to declining my last offer."

     "Sure!", one word that I immediately utter the same moment he asked the favor. I would like him to feel that he is loved, might it not be the intimate one he is expecting. But the brotherly love that he deserved from the start that some people around his environment were not able to grant him with. Yes, we took a photo. Well , actually not only, but there's like a couple of photos that we took. Wacky, smiling, formal, and all those weird poses - tongues out and wide eyes; out spread arms and feet raised high and the sort. I want to make it up to him for those months that I have not thought of doing - capturing memories. Then on the last picture that we took, I want to remember a good harmonious relationship that we always had since day one. I placed my right arm around his left shoulder and pulled him closer so that the shot will be more realistic. And I can see that he was caught off guard with what I just did. He went to the washroom probably to retouch the light party make up he has, or probably to freshen up a bit. Then he suddenly asked me one last favor.

     "What about a kiss, Warren? Kiss on your cheeks will do. But I will respect if you will decline. Besides, I am used to expecting the worst from you when it comes to this kind of talk shit."

     Speechless. That was the only word that I can think of to describe how I reacted from his final request. But then come to think of it, he told me that it might be the last time I'll see him and I don't intend to burst his bubble. My brothers and cousins kiss me, so why can't a close friend do so? I motioned my face right away towards his lips, emphasizing the head turn to show my cheeks to my dearest suitor. He got the message so he gently pressed his lips against my cheeks for a short split of a second, and then I can hear the smooch from his kiss. Then right after he stepped backward and regain composure, said thank you and then went out. That was the last time I saw him that night, and I don't know if what I did was right.

     I woke up late the next morning and once again I received a text message in all caps from Harry - "GO TO MY HOUSE AS SOON AS YOU READ THIS MESSAGE." And I immediately felt the sense of urgency in his words so without any second thoughts I just went to the bathroom and took my fastest shower then off to car rushing towards his location. Still wondering why he asked me to go this early, but I let it slip for the mean time while driving.

     I thought it was a party or some sort of a gathering for people are here. Most probably this is his get off party before going abroad? Or is this just another trick he is exhibiting to his luck one more push? But when I got a clearer picture of what exactly is happening, I started to make myself believe that this is just his kick off party; or even a trick that will make my image a laughing stock. Hard as I try, reality kicks in faster than it usually does. To make it straight to the point and remove all of the speculations, yes, Harry is now dealing with his second life. Based from the people who's already there, Harry committed suicide - one thing that I expected the least. Harry loves life and makes the most out of every single day given to him. It is very unlikely to happen yet it occurred. I walked towards his coffin, looked and then observed my dearest friend that is now a cold body waiting for his final ceremonies.

     Harry's mother approached me while I was in a deep realization as to what happened to him, gave me a faint smile and then showed me a letter inside a black envelope then asked for her excuse so she can attend to the other people mourning for her son. As she walk away, I stare in the black envelope she handed over me and everything flashed back. This is the same envelope he is placing on my office desk every time he is giving me postcards and those sweet chocolates. The same envelope that I never opened because I already know what is inside. I turned the envelope aside, and just as expected his tagline is still there - HOPELESS ROMANTIC. However, there are some little alterations made in the letters for it is now written this way - HOPELESS HOPEFUL ROMANTIC. Another maze was formed in my mind and started to ask myself when will Harry quit occupying my head too much with his mind challenging messages, may it be in a form of a text message or in black and white. To answer all of the questions in the back of my mind, I did the right thing. I started opening the envelope and the content gave me a clear picture.

"To my Warren, I know it shocked you when you see me lying inside the coffin. But at the same time I know it is not new when you see me as hot as before when I was still alive. Thank you, for making me feel loved without being intimate and without betraying your partner. I envy him because you love him that much but it did not come to a point wherein I want to break your relationship just so I can get you. Your man is indeed a lucky guy, so tell your Mister Luigi to take good care of you in return or else I'll be up from the grave and strangle him to death. And you know what, I followed your advise! And it actually worked for me. I started to date other people and go out with them late night, and I saw the positive side again when it comes to being single. I get to know guys who want to take me as their partner, and there are some that just want to know me better. But I think there is something wrong that I did outside the scope of your advise Warren. I got AIDS and I don't know how it happened. I date people and make out with them sometimes, but I never thought that I'll cherry pick with a positively diagnosed bastard. As soon as you read this I know the possibility of you blaming yourself, but immediately I will tell you not to. I committed suicide not because of you declining all of my tries but because I don't know how to face the world and all the judgment of the people when they discover that I have the disease. I cannot confess it to my parents or to any of my relatives but I was able to tell it to you through this letter because I know you will understand. I don't want the disease to spread and make my body weaker so I decided to end this easy. I don't want stress for my family and my friends. I don't want people to pity me, I want them to understand. With all the people that I loved, you made me feel a different kind of affection that does not need sex or making out. And with that I have loved you the most. Thank you Warren, and I wish you a happy life with Luigi."

     There and then, I understood what he meant by all of the puzzles. The texts messages and the threats, it is not because he is angry with me or what but because he ended up getting something unexpected. I want to tell Harry that I understand where he stands and that I will stick with him and help him fight with his condition but unfortunately I cannot. He will not respond to my response and I cannot feel the warm smiles of my dear friend. So I asked for a pen from one of his relatives and turned the letter to the other side. I started to write the words THANK and YOU in the biggest possible size I can write it. I want him to know how thankful I am because he chose me to be his confidant and I would like him to bear my thanks for the rest of his second life. I asked his mother if I can have the coffin opened just so I can put the envelope in between his palms, and her mother agreed. I kissed the envelope before I slid it inside the coffin and secured it between his fingers. I hope you'll be reading that up there, Harry. And hope that you'll get the message that I understood. I wish that you'll cherish my kiss with the envelope, and the tear that I shed on the paper inside it. Goodbye and may we have a peaceful second life.

Mantsa

"Sana nandito si Nanay. "

 Nawalan ako ng pera ngayon. Baon ko sana nang isang linggo. Martes pa lamang ngunit lagas na agad ang dalawang Ninoy na pananatilihin ko sanang nakapangalumbaba hanggang Linggo. Sayang! May mga bagong pera pa naman akong nakalagay doon sa pitakang regalo pa sa akin ni Ninang Mercy noong nakaraang pasko. Dalawang benteng madulas at iba ang pagkadilaw kung ikukumpara sa benteng sinukli sa akin nung makalawa sa palengke.

Saan kaya napunta ang kaban ng aking kayamanan?

Ilang araw akong maglalakad papunta sa unibersidad na aking pinapasukan, hindi manananghalian at uuwi sa kwartong aking inuupahan sa isang maliit na dormitoryo ng hindi man lang nabubusog ang aking mga mata. Nasanay akong naglilibot muna sa bayan kahit sandali bago umuwi sa dormitoryo upang aliwin naman ang aking sarili sa lungkot na dulot ng pag-iisa sa matatawag kong bahay.

Isang maliit na silid lamang ang aking naupahan. Pwedeng pwede na rin dahil malapit sa unibersidad na pinapasukan ko, ayos lang kahit tanghaliin ako ng gising dahil isang dyip na lang ang layo ko mula sa gate ng paaralang pinapasukan ko. Sakto lang din naman ang laki para magkasya ang lahat ng aking mga kagamitan. Komportable naman akong nakakatulog dahil malamig naman ang silid kahit hindi ko na buksan ang bentilador sa gabi. At higit sa lahat, malinis ang loob ng silid bago ko pa man ito mapagdesisyunang upahan, halatang arawang nalilinis ang mga kwarto. May banyo na rin sa loob ng silid kaya’t di ko na kailangan makipagsiksikan sa ibang mga nangungupahan sa dormitoryo tuwing umaga doon sa pampublikong paliguan. 

Puti lang ang pintura ng aking silid mula kisame hanggang sa mga dingding, kaya naman pagtapak pa lamang ng mga paa ko sa kwarto at matapos ayusin ang aking mga gamit ay pinagdididikitan ko ng mga larawan at mga pahina ng lumang magasin upang mabigyan naman ng buhay ang malalangit kong kwarto. Ngunit ngayo’y napilas ko ang lahat ng nakadikit sa dingding sa tabi ng aking kama dala na lamang ng pagkamuhi sa araw na ito. Humiga ako’t huminga ng malalim. Nilamukot sa aking kamao ang mga papel na tinanggal galing sa pader ng aking silid. Ipinikit ang aking mga mata at ang mga sumunod na pangyayari’y hindi ko nanamalayan. 

Pumasok akong butas ang bulsa.
Buti na lamang at maaga akong nagising. Wala nang laman ang aking maliit na kusina. Wala na akong iluluto kaya nagtimpla na lamang ako ng mainit na kape at kumaripas na sa banyo. Nagbihis ng mabilisan at hinablot ang bag sabay sara ng pinto. Naglakad ako papasok ng eskwelahan at pumasok sa gate ng pawis na pawis ng harangin ako ng guwardiya, “Pst, aano ka dito bata?” Nakapamulsang pambungad sa akin ng lalaking nakakunot ang noo.

WALA AKONG I.D!

Limang minuto bago ang simula ng aking unang klase. Mukhang di ako aabot, pero di ako pwedeng mahuli o lumiban. Tinakbo ko ang bahay at tila di na tumatapak ang mga paa ko sa lupa sa bilis ng aking pagusad. Narating ko ang gusali ng aking dormitoryo sa isang bahing lamang ni Zeus. Inakyat ko ang hagdan ng dalawang baitang isang hakbang upang mapabilis ang pag-akyat ko sa ikaapat na palapag kung saan naroroon ang aking silid.

May kaluskos sa loob ng aking silid.

Hindi ko muna binuksan ang pinto, pinakiramdaman ko muna ang tao sa loob na huminahon sa paggalaw upang mas mabilis kong makita kung ano ang pakay ng talipandas sa loob ng aking tahanan. Nanahimik na ang paligid. Unti-unti kong ipinasok ang susi sa pinto at dahan-dahan itong binuksan. Isang lalaki ang tila may hinahanap sa aking silid, ngunit isang bagay ang nakakuha ng buo kong atensyon. Nasa likurang bulsa niya ang nawawala kong pitaka. Di ko mamukhaan ang lalaki dahil sa bonet na nasa ulo niya. Di ako nakakilos agad, nakita na ako ng may dahilan ng lahat ng kamalasan ko. At papalapit na siya sa akin at may iba sa kanyang mga mata.

Naniningil ang ahente ni Kamatayan.
Masyadong mabilis ang kilos ng demonyo. Pinukpok niya ako’t napabulagta na lamang ako sa sahig. Sinasangga ng aking mga braso ang bawat pukpok at hampas ngunit di nagtagal ay nawalan na ako ng depensa. Binitiwan niya ang kahoy na ginawa niyang panghampas at unimpisahan akong sakalin sa leeg. Nauubusan na ako ng hininga kaya’t dinampot ko ang kahoy at ihinambalos sa ulo niya. Nawalan siya ng balanse at nabuwal sa gilid ng aking silid. Naubusan na ng pasensiya ang kriminal. Tumayo siya’t handa nang pumatay. Bumunot ng balisong mula sa kanyang tagiliran at hinubad ang bonet na nagtatago ng kanyang tunay na katauhan.

Si Manong Janitor ang mensahero ng demonyo.

Siya ang may kasalanan ng lahat. Siya ang nagnakaw ng pitaka ko. Siya ang dahilan ng paglalakad ko papuntang eskwelahan. Siya ang dahilan ng kamalasan ko sa buhay. Siya ang dahilan ng mga sugat ko ngayon. Siya na dahilan ng kalinisan ng aking silid ay maaaring maging dahilan ng aking katapusan.

Sinaksak ako ni Manong sa binti, di na ako makatayo at baldado na ako. Di na ako makalaban. Tinuloy tuloy niya ang pagbibigay ng madidiing taga sa aking buong katawan - sa braso, sa dibdib, sa tiyan, sa hita, sa leeg. Hindi niya ako tinigilan. Ang dating puti kong silid ay nabahiran ng pulang pula kong dugo. Pinagmamasdan ko na lamang siyang tapusin ang paghihirap ko. Buo pa ang aking kamalayan ngunit hapong hapo na aking katawan. Tinapos ni Manong Janitor ang paglilibang sa isang malakas na taga sa aking leeg, at tumalsik ang mga nalalabi kong dugo sa sugat na iyon.

Ginampanang muli ni Manong ang kanyang tungkulin, nilinis niya ang silid mula sa dugong nagkalat sa puti nitong sahig. At kasabay ng paglilinis niya sa aking kwarto ay ang paghuhugas niya ng kamay, pag-aalis ng lahat ng ebedensiyang maaaring maging instrumento laban sa kanya. Kinukuskos niya ang buong paligid at tinitiyak na hindi amoy dugo ang aking silid. Walang bakas ng dugo si Manong, magaling siya sa ginawa niyang pagpaslang sa akin. Mahihirapan ang pulisyang hanapin siya, kung sakaling gagawa man sila ng aksyon. Sa mga oras na ‘to, ang hinihiling ko na lamang ay ang presensya ng aking ina. Sana nandito siya. Hindi sana nangyari ang lahat ng ‘to. Nasa unibersidad pa sana ako’t nag-aaral sa una kong klase. Sana lagi lang siyang nasa tabi ko. Sana nandito si Nanay.

Automated Teller Machine

    All things odd are expected to be witnessed in the city – the most fascinating inventions, the most amazing works of all kind in all fields. People are in a hurry, running after the sands of time that are blown quickly; for TIME is MONEY. The smoke from vehicles, the stench of streets and roads, and the drowning count of people walking and talking everybody in chorus. All things are scarce, people are poor. They consider every meal a gift, every coin a treasure. All they bare for themselves is hope. Waking up every morning to stake their selves in another battle of survival. Pushing the limits of the universe ahead of them and put control over their destiny. Working hard, putting matchsticks unto drooling eyelids to hold it from closing; forgetting the meaning of rest and sleep for the sake of the sounds “cha-ching” in their pockets. Going straight to their banks after receiving the pay slip that they’ve been waiting for. Sliding the card in the machine, key-in their PIN numbers, and withdraw the money just to be spent for days. A month long hard work will be nothing but printed receipts – bills, food, necessities.  These were too large compared to the salary people were having from their professions.

   But what if the money doesn’t even reach their destination? If it was not able to make contact with the head of the family that was responsible for dividing the budget. Meet Lex, but only in his funeral. He used to be a loving, jolly, happy-go-lucky guy when he was alive, though he still has this certain shine in his face inside that graphite colored coffin. He was tall, fair-skinned, and brown-haired. His pinkish cheeks and lips had turned porcelain white. And you can notice creases on his forehead, an obvious sign of pain. Nothing much has changed in his features inside the coffin. The face was just the same as everybody else remembered him, but when you start to examine other parts of his body you’ll see the horror he’d been through. You’ll see several cuts from his neck, a deep gash in his arm, and as her mother told the story – a deeper one in his belly.

  He was struck by a rusty knife right after having the money in his palm. Lex let go of the money immediately, valuing his life more than the money he’s possessing. But the agent of Abad don did not do the same, he wants to have the money and send his soul bargaining with the devil. Everything became a flashback of what he did before that turning point.

   “Hello good evening how may I assist you?” Lex speaks in a courteous manner while turning thousands of pages of files only Lex could understand. Reading and writing at the same time, signing on papers and talking to the client.

   “Yes Sir. Sorry for the inconvenience, Sir… I see, so you’re having difficulties regarding your new sim card? Are you subscribed in a plan Sir?” Clicked his mouse and navigated the page of his browser to a new protocol, trying to resolve the costumer’s problem.
   “Sir, it’s indicated here that your server is down at this moment, Sir. Let me connect you to a costumer representative to help you further more.”

   Yes. Lex is a call-center agent. A nocturnal animal. Sleeping when the sun is shining outside and is widely awake when the crickets make its noisy sounds. But he cannot answer a call anymore. No more complaints from bugging costumers. No more rush from the bosses. No more stress from an odd work. But no more life, no more Lex. No tear can put life in his aweful body anymore. But justice can set Lex in peace, as well as his family. But the police are not eager enough to solve a crime that was committed in public.

   “The incident was very frequent, Madame. Your son should’ve been more careful.” The police officer barked at Helen, Lex’s Mum. The way the cop said that to Helen, is like a stab through her heart. She felt the pain Lex had felt, when she cannot have the justice she wanted for her son. They made it look like it’s Lex’s fault why he’s murdered and why he’s inside the coffin now, with the bright lights and the candles with the people mourning for him.

   Helen held her composure. Stand from the couch she’s seated on and bid farewell. As she turned her back to the cop, tears immediately flow from her eyes and walk towards the door. Inside the house, nobody can talk to Helen. She’s beside her son, wiping the glass and talking to the frozen figure inside it. Arranging the flowers and the signage then turning back to her son and talk to the dead body again.

   Sob. Flowers. Unearthed soil. The covered coffin atop the deep hole probably six feet under surface. People around the coffin. Holy water. A priest. Yes. The burial. It’s the end of the road. The dust will go back to where it came from. Everybody’s spirit is low. Still affected by the incident. Crucita, Lex’s sister opened the coffin for a last time to hug his corpse and bless his physique. But the coffin is empty. Commotion. Issues. Never-ending gossips. Lex is nowhere to be found. Where is he? He’s there the night before the interment. And everything is still a mystery. But Helen is nowhere to be found.

   “I will protect you. Nobody will hurt you again. Mommy will heal all your bruises and wounds, honey. You’ll be fine. A magic kiss will make you feel new again. Smile now Lex. Do not be afraid. Mommy’s here baby.” You can hear it from a room on Lex’s residence. With a sobbing voice and an unclear throat, and a runny nose that keeps sneezing in. There is Helen,wiping Lex’s lifeless body. Combing his hair with her fingers and tracing the shapes of his eyes and lips. Kissing his forehead and hugging it tightly. Treating the cadaver like an infant that needs aids in all means. Yes. Helen completely lost her mind. She was completely eaten by the depression and the nightmares kept coming. She keeps on humming a song she used to sing when Lex was still a toddler. Arranging his bed every night and bringing in food every now and then. Changing his clothes often and read tales to her one and only. Going back to the days when he’s little precious gem has the enthusiasm of life. Swinging his son back and forth, as if Lex is asleep and she’s there to guide her son. And to make sure that no one will hurt him again. People could have ignored her son. But Helen made sure, that Lex felt comfort and love, or at least his body as a corpse.