Altered Envelope

     The stage is set - a wide platform embellished with different accents of all sorts; a center riser for the performers to use during their routines; and a shiny porcelain white curtain that serves as a background to emphasize the colorful accessory of the night. The lights and sounds are on - dazzling blast lights are hanging from above to illuminate the night while everybody is having so much fun; party music all around the place and a couple of flashes from paparazzi cameras. A big party is bound to bang the whole universe. Dress to impress, pumped up to kill. Smoky eyes and red lips for the girls matched with their three-inch high heels, while the studs are wearing either their shiniest neckties or their coolest bow ties to match their most elegant suits and sleeves, together with a pair of leather shoes to complete the whole sophisticated look.

     I was there in the middle of the crowd, observing silently as others went wild. A couple of glasses of drinks, a short moment of dance, that is enough for me. It is not the night for me to get wasted. There are a lot of things running in my mind unlike everybody else trying to lose their minds for the night to reward their selves for a year long of hard work. I received a text message before I went to the party, and it disturbs me. I cannot seem to find sense in the way this person wants to relay the thought. Very vague and mysterious but at the same time precise and authoritative. There is a meaning behind it but I cannot decipher any part of it. What does it imply? Is he really that secretive or am I just dumb enough to fool myself out of this text message?

     I am talking about Harry, the man who offered me an indecent proposal. He's not the typical lover you will meet somewhere, this guy has class. He is very masculine and looks very edgy despite his alluring teeny-weeny eyes. And above all else, he has the look. Standing five foot and eight inches, he is indeed a bachelor of his generation. The only thing is, he is not a bachelor, but a bachelorette. I don't have any issues with Harry being bisexual, for I am one, too. I find him attractive, yes, but he is not the type of guy I would fall in love with. Besides, I already have a partner that he is aware of. He knows my love story and its roller coaster twists and turns, but he does not seem to mind. He keeps on sending me postcards on my office desk together with a bar of chocolate. He has been my office mate for almost seven months now and he has been like that since the beginning. I repeatedly told him that I already have a partner and I don't have any plans on betraying the guy that I love. But he replies the same thing over and over everytime I say my script, "Think about it, you might change your mind." Then smile and walk away.

     "Hey Warren, I need to meet you in the party later. This might be your last time to see me. So you better look enticing so you can seduce me." This was the exact words I saw on my phone screen around four o'clock earlier this afternoon. I can't seem to understand why he sent me this message. Is he going to resign from the company? Or will he be assigned to a different location? Or most probably he will fly abroad together with his family in Singapore. Regardless of what his reason will be, I will surely miss Harry. It is not because of what most people think, but because we already had our bond as friends. We might be having this awkwardness at times whenever he injects his feelings in the topic out of the blue, but we are doing fine if he won't mention. I need to know the reason and I need to know when will this be effective. So okay I will give it a shot, I'll meet him here.

     "Hey Harry, I'm just around the corner. Give me a beep once you arrive so we can do small talk," I entered the words as fast as I could then pressed Send.

     "Okay then, I'll be there in a few. I'm just a few blocks away. Look for my car and meet me outside. Thanks." A quick reply from Mr. Harry Crook.

     I went outside to wait for his car to arrive. And the wait did not last that long, after a few minutes I saw his car on its way to my direction - a teal Bentley Mulsanne with a green under lights that is really a head-turner. He went out of his wheels with the same palette as his car. A deep blue sleeve with a white suit and a silver tie. He shoved me out of the crowd and brought me inside the party tent so we can talk. Just the usual casual conversation we are having every single business day of our lives. Asking about our days and all, how we are doing and if we have any plans for the next days to come. Then the awkward silence came in again, just like any single instance that he will ask if about his chance on fishing me.

     "You won't really like me, will you?" A question that I immediately answered with a safe response.

     "Who's not to like? You are nice to everyone, Harry. But it depends on what level of likeness would like me to interpret. There are lots of guys that you'll probably meet who will like you the first time they see you. All I can offer is friendship, which I find more effective than a relationship that might have cracks in the near future. Come on, Harry. You need to explore the world like you are doing before you confessed whatever feelings you have for me. Believe me, you'll be happier than ever."

     "Can I get a picture then? I would like to have a picture with you alone. We don't have any photo, to think that we've been working together for quite a while now! You owe me a picture in replacement to declining my last offer."

     "Sure!", one word that I immediately utter the same moment he asked the favor. I would like him to feel that he is loved, might it not be the intimate one he is expecting. But the brotherly love that he deserved from the start that some people around his environment were not able to grant him with. Yes, we took a photo. Well , actually not only, but there's like a couple of photos that we took. Wacky, smiling, formal, and all those weird poses - tongues out and wide eyes; out spread arms and feet raised high and the sort. I want to make it up to him for those months that I have not thought of doing - capturing memories. Then on the last picture that we took, I want to remember a good harmonious relationship that we always had since day one. I placed my right arm around his left shoulder and pulled him closer so that the shot will be more realistic. And I can see that he was caught off guard with what I just did. He went to the washroom probably to retouch the light party make up he has, or probably to freshen up a bit. Then he suddenly asked me one last favor.

     "What about a kiss, Warren? Kiss on your cheeks will do. But I will respect if you will decline. Besides, I am used to expecting the worst from you when it comes to this kind of talk shit."

     Speechless. That was the only word that I can think of to describe how I reacted from his final request. But then come to think of it, he told me that it might be the last time I'll see him and I don't intend to burst his bubble. My brothers and cousins kiss me, so why can't a close friend do so? I motioned my face right away towards his lips, emphasizing the head turn to show my cheeks to my dearest suitor. He got the message so he gently pressed his lips against my cheeks for a short split of a second, and then I can hear the smooch from his kiss. Then right after he stepped backward and regain composure, said thank you and then went out. That was the last time I saw him that night, and I don't know if what I did was right.

     I woke up late the next morning and once again I received a text message in all caps from Harry - "GO TO MY HOUSE AS SOON AS YOU READ THIS MESSAGE." And I immediately felt the sense of urgency in his words so without any second thoughts I just went to the bathroom and took my fastest shower then off to car rushing towards his location. Still wondering why he asked me to go this early, but I let it slip for the mean time while driving.

     I thought it was a party or some sort of a gathering for people are here. Most probably this is his get off party before going abroad? Or is this just another trick he is exhibiting to his luck one more push? But when I got a clearer picture of what exactly is happening, I started to make myself believe that this is just his kick off party; or even a trick that will make my image a laughing stock. Hard as I try, reality kicks in faster than it usually does. To make it straight to the point and remove all of the speculations, yes, Harry is now dealing with his second life. Based from the people who's already there, Harry committed suicide - one thing that I expected the least. Harry loves life and makes the most out of every single day given to him. It is very unlikely to happen yet it occurred. I walked towards his coffin, looked and then observed my dearest friend that is now a cold body waiting for his final ceremonies.

     Harry's mother approached me while I was in a deep realization as to what happened to him, gave me a faint smile and then showed me a letter inside a black envelope then asked for her excuse so she can attend to the other people mourning for her son. As she walk away, I stare in the black envelope she handed over me and everything flashed back. This is the same envelope he is placing on my office desk every time he is giving me postcards and those sweet chocolates. The same envelope that I never opened because I already know what is inside. I turned the envelope aside, and just as expected his tagline is still there - HOPELESS ROMANTIC. However, there are some little alterations made in the letters for it is now written this way - HOPELESS HOPEFUL ROMANTIC. Another maze was formed in my mind and started to ask myself when will Harry quit occupying my head too much with his mind challenging messages, may it be in a form of a text message or in black and white. To answer all of the questions in the back of my mind, I did the right thing. I started opening the envelope and the content gave me a clear picture.

"To my Warren, I know it shocked you when you see me lying inside the coffin. But at the same time I know it is not new when you see me as hot as before when I was still alive. Thank you, for making me feel loved without being intimate and without betraying your partner. I envy him because you love him that much but it did not come to a point wherein I want to break your relationship just so I can get you. Your man is indeed a lucky guy, so tell your Mister Luigi to take good care of you in return or else I'll be up from the grave and strangle him to death. And you know what, I followed your advise! And it actually worked for me. I started to date other people and go out with them late night, and I saw the positive side again when it comes to being single. I get to know guys who want to take me as their partner, and there are some that just want to know me better. But I think there is something wrong that I did outside the scope of your advise Warren. I got AIDS and I don't know how it happened. I date people and make out with them sometimes, but I never thought that I'll cherry pick with a positively diagnosed bastard. As soon as you read this I know the possibility of you blaming yourself, but immediately I will tell you not to. I committed suicide not because of you declining all of my tries but because I don't know how to face the world and all the judgment of the people when they discover that I have the disease. I cannot confess it to my parents or to any of my relatives but I was able to tell it to you through this letter because I know you will understand. I don't want the disease to spread and make my body weaker so I decided to end this easy. I don't want stress for my family and my friends. I don't want people to pity me, I want them to understand. With all the people that I loved, you made me feel a different kind of affection that does not need sex or making out. And with that I have loved you the most. Thank you Warren, and I wish you a happy life with Luigi."

     There and then, I understood what he meant by all of the puzzles. The texts messages and the threats, it is not because he is angry with me or what but because he ended up getting something unexpected. I want to tell Harry that I understand where he stands and that I will stick with him and help him fight with his condition but unfortunately I cannot. He will not respond to my response and I cannot feel the warm smiles of my dear friend. So I asked for a pen from one of his relatives and turned the letter to the other side. I started to write the words THANK and YOU in the biggest possible size I can write it. I want him to know how thankful I am because he chose me to be his confidant and I would like him to bear my thanks for the rest of his second life. I asked his mother if I can have the coffin opened just so I can put the envelope in between his palms, and her mother agreed. I kissed the envelope before I slid it inside the coffin and secured it between his fingers. I hope you'll be reading that up there, Harry. And hope that you'll get the message that I understood. I wish that you'll cherish my kiss with the envelope, and the tear that I shed on the paper inside it. Goodbye and may we have a peaceful second life.